HYPERtheticals: 50 Questions for Insane Conversations

December 7, 2010 § 5 Comments

Are you familiar with Chuck Klosterman? I’m guessing you are if you’re a fan of music, pop culture, or rants. The magazine writer-turned-author’s newest release is this collection of hypothetical questions only he could come up with. These questions are usually found sprinkled in the pages of his books, but now you can find them all in one place. This would be a perfect game to play on a first date.

A few of my favourite questions from past books include:

You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear–for the rest of your life–sound as if it’s being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that–for some reason–every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

Chuck explains: “Basically, Random House (which isn’t my normal publisher) wanted to make some of the hypothetical questions from a few of my previous books into a deck of cards (I think they also did this with the guy who wrote the oral history of the zombie war?). I thought it would be a rip-off to only use old questions, so I wrote 25 new ones that are combined with some of the old material. It’s definitely not a book, though. The softcover version of EATING THEDINOSAUR comes up this summer, and there should be a new book next year — but this is just something weird for weird people.” – via Paste

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§ 5 Responses to HYPERtheticals: 50 Questions for Insane Conversations

  • Sarah says:

    the first question is hilarious. broken collarbones aren’t that bad, really, right?

    • Sarah says:

      OH it’s every three years. that’s different. i thought it was a one time deal. now i have to think more.

      • Christina says:

        Hahaha it’s such a good question. It also depends on how much you like Alice In Chains, if at all. Also, how badly damaged will your soul mate’s collarbones become after being broken so many times? Definitely a thinker.

  • Pat says:

    Kicking a horse to death wouldn’t be that hard. Stand on a chair and kick it in the neck till you collapse its trachea. If you were trained in martial arts this would be even easier. Be prepared to explain your actions to any PETA people nearby.

    If for some reason you failed at this, the political prisoners wouldn’t be any worse off and you can probably finish the horse off in a more humane way (or keep kicking).

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