July 16, 2012 § Leave a comment
I read an article today that I really identified with. The author visits the topic of friendship as it applies to age and reaching certain points in your life. “Why is it so hard to make friends over 30?” he asks. Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one who ponders this question!
After moving to New York from Toronto two years ago, I found I had a few American friends, but mostly, as the article calls them “kind-of-friends”. I came straight from spending the majority of my twenties in Toronto, where I met countless amazing people through mutual friends, my ex-boyfriend, and work. Not everyone was in a relationship or even felt the need to be, and we all spent time together at house parties, bars, parks, concerts, cottages, and the occasional planned food fight with little to no drama and everyone got along.
Now that I’m married and 30, I find my standards for friends are higher and the frequency of cravings to go out every weekend are lower. Luckily, I’m very fortunate to have a great husband who would rather spend time with me than anyone else and I’ve managed to make a few great NYC friends. I’m also happy to keep up the relationships I treasure most in Canada, but I now know that the volume of friends I have there will never exist here. And I’m okay with that because I’ve finally realized I have new things to look forward to.
As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added.
Read: Friends Of A Certain Age